Oh
yes, I have been writing...I have. Only not poetry...only not at this blog...
Firstly, I've been a bit busy wrapping up the October Challenge at
Write...Edit...Publish... - I had hosting duties for the Horrible Harvest Challenge.
I've also been writing to the Words for Wednesday meme over at
Elephant's Child's
for the past three weeks... building up the same flash in three sections. It is
unbelievably lovely and liberating when someone else dreams up the prompts!
:) They have been provided by
Margaret Adamson for all three parts, thank you. And thank you, EC! I earnestly hope you are better soon.
So here’s the whole flash together in this post. The prompt words are in all
caps. Hope you enjoy it.
WfW 1 (30.10.2019)
I went in for the
CONSULTATION and made it quite plain that I wanted one like the heroine in that
MYSTERY MOVIE but the hairdresser – awful, awful man, made the HAIRCUT into a
horror film! The weather is too MILD still to cover it up with a scarf - I
don't know what to do. Life is all about living with UNCERTAINTY and bad hair.
No JOY in it.
On the SURFACE, it's
such a paltry thing. But actually it's more than just appearances. Covering up
hair or wearing it loose or whatever - it's never that simple, is it? Women's
hair is more than just hair, d'you know what I mean? From crowning glory to
political statements! Didn't Saki say that hair was like a husband, so long as
one is seen to be in AGREEMENT in public, the private differences do not
matter? Well, something like that. My differences with my hair have stopped
being private, screaming from the rooftops, more like. And there's a new
FRECKLE the size of a continent to cope with as well.
But it's not just the
haircut. Or the skin. Ghastliness happens in threes. Henry's partner decided to
go SOLO suddenly, and that's another catastrophe. Well, from his point of view
anyways. I personally think it's a golden opportunity to get the FIXTURES
changed, they've been coming unstuck for years now, not living up to their name
at all. Those two could never reach a consensus about anything lately. I would
have thought it would be a relief, but no! He’s going around with an expression
between a whipped mongrel and a constipated criminal. I mean, men! Hairdresser
or husband - the root of all my problems.
WfW 2 (06.11.2019)
Hairdresser, husband
and to top it all, hubby’s business partner. Melvin is normally quite CHOLERIC,
not exactly a ray of sunshine at the best of times. First he decided he’s done,
then two ticks later, he came LOLLOPING back, perky eyed and smiley faced, super-suspicious!
I knew he’d come to push the same weird AGENDA. Clearly, the INVESTMENT consultant
had shot down his ludicrous project. Now he wanted me, us! to get
involved in his hare-brained scheme. One is quite ARTICULATE but some people
can render one speechless with their cheek!
He bounded in on
Sunday, I was struggling with CURLERS, trying to minimise the damage done by that
Oblivio hairdresser – I had meetings the
next day. My allergies were really bad
too, nose like Rudolph Reindeer. Not a good time, I told him.
He paid not a jot of
attention and made himself a drink, nonchalant, as though it was his house and
not mine. Started the same old spiel. I told him nothing doing. A product based
solely on ACKEE extracts is too extreme niche for this market. Trust me, I
know. He said I should stop behaving like an overprotective HEN with Henry ha
ha and open up to the potential life has. Open up an express route to the PAWNBROKERS
more like it! Besides, ackee can be toxic, he’d never make it past the rules or
the RULERS.
Just then Henry came
in and I escaped. Which was a mistake. I heard them SPEEDING off not ten
minutes later. Henry was unusually solicitous when he came back, all kinds of fuss
with cushions and wraps and soups. As if I was pushing eighty or something. And
he actually said, very almost-pensive-casual-like, maybe we should reconsider
this ackee business? Might even be better ROI, pioneer advantage and all that. What?!
Excuse me?! Men, really! Living with ANOSMIA and bad hair is easier than living
with them!
WfW 3 (13.11.2019)
They ganged up on me,
even Oblivio hairdresser – not satisfied only with messing up my hair majorly that
last time, he took a stab at ruining my life as well. But it’s Henry and Melvin
I’m really cut up about.
First Henry and
Melvin fall out. Then two seconds later, all that vehemence about going it solo
if no-one else is interested etc etc vanishes into thin air. Mel tries to
insidiously win Henry over through the backdoor, thinking I would grease the
hinges. Only he is much mistaken if he thinks I am a backdoor, not for him, not
for Henry, not for anyone. I made that plain. I also explained, in detail, over
and over again why this ackee line wouldn’t work, but would the pair of them
listen? A men’s cosmetic line based on a fruit that smells like scrambled eggs?
I mean, seriously? I told Henry I’d have nothing to do with it. Money, unlike
ackee, doesn’t grow on trees, have they noticed?
I don’t know how Mel
convinced Henry. Hang on. Maybe I do. All you have to do is to somehow hint Henry’s
being a stick-in-the-mud and letting the old boys’ club down and that’s it, easy as a pie. I saw them hurtling
off together and magic! When Henry came back he’d lost the hang-dog look and
was singing around the house like a tone deaf nightingale. I had my suspicions,
but kept a very neutral face as I asked him the reasons for this sudden
inexplicable cheerfulness. Oh nothing, nothing, glad to be home, he said. I was
a treat for sore eyes with the new hairstyle, he said. Yeah, right. Pull the
other one.
I found out later,
much later, when everything had gone belly up, they had convinced that Oblivio
hairdresser about the whole ackee caper, how men’s cosmetics were booming and
he was missing out blah blah blah…. He’d obviously been doing quite well out of
his business of ruining women’s hair. I’d changed my salon, went to Sofronie’s
after that debacle, feel much safer now. But I saw the men’s section coming up
next to the old salon, and then the
ackee based cosmetics in the window. Of course I came back fuming. Of course it
was bound to fail. When I pointed that out, I mean what man would want his hair
smelling of scrambled eggs?
Henry looked acutely
uncomfortable, the initial uptake hadn’t exactly been euphoric. But he said, NOTHING
VENTURED NOTHING GAINED. No-one was queuing up to have his hair or other body
parts perfumed with ackee, however, even months later. Good money down the
drain, thank goodness it wasn’t ours. I knew I shouldn’t be, but I was sneakily
glad it was Oblivio’s head on the block this time. Well, there’s a sort of
poetic justice to it, you’ve got to admit.
But do you know what
Melvin said? How was a woman with anosmia qualified to give marketing advice
on men’s cosmetics, that too based on smell?
Talk about adding INSULT
TO INJURY! Honestly, men!
~~~
I'm travelling for the rest of this month and will pop in as and when. Hopefully, back soon. Stay well and happy writing.
