Tally

"All you who sleep tonight
Far from the ones you love
No hand to left or right
And emptiness above -

Know that you aren't alone
The whole world shares your tears
Some for two nights or one
And some for all their years." ~ Vikram Seth



How many nights I’ve slept alone

Far from home, or on my own

I haven’t kept count of those nights.

From the curled-spine foetus in the womb

To the plushly-furnished hotel room

And the hospital beds, germ-free, gaunt white.

There haven’t been many, in all truth.

The comfort of elders in my youth

Child smells on my pillows in adulthood.

And the steady warmth of constant calm

In a partner’s eyes, and strong palms

Smoothing down my sheets.  It’s all been good.

But still.  On nights the moon hangs out low,

I’ve switched off the news on the radio

And this my whole world has spun out of touch.

I’ve tried to tally up those nights

And each time the totals didn’t feel right

They were either too little, or just too much.