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| Blooms on the Milkwood tree outside my mother's window. |
I
One
last time she scrubs the steps and shines the brass,
cleans
out the cracks, picks off the weeds and grass,
tries
critical eyes, but that’s clearly a fail.
Tomorrow’s
the first viewings for the sale.
And
there’s no turning back if the deal goes through.
She
doesn’t quite know what exactly to do.
She
was happy here, but happy elsewhere too.
It
was a home but mostly at a remove
between
parallel worlds and therefore aloof.
The
occupants are gone. She’s kept it trim.
But
memory has a price. And that’s often grim.
Both
buyer and seller must pay what is due.
She
doesn’t quite know what exactly to do.
She
was happy here, but happy elsewhere too.
II
It’s
melancholy to part with happy places
traced
out in years and years of beloved faces.
She’s
run in the garden, played in the courtyard -
the
threads are frayed but to untangle is hard.
She
must choose between homes, she can’t afford two.
She
doesn’t quite know what exactly to do.
She
was happy here, but happy elsewhere too.
A
house is a refuge. A house is a knife
that
slices and serves different phases of life.
From
this one to the next, never for too long, -
they
might belong to her, she can’t ever belong.
Each
one’s a transition she’s just passing through.
She
doesn’t quite know what exactly to do.
She
was happy here, but happy elsewhere too.
III
One
after another, she combs through each room –
there’s
a flower vase, half a bottle perfume
photos
of her folks and folks she doesn’t know.
An
old crocheted blanket. They all have to go.
All
traces erased. All made fresh and new.
She
doesn’t quite know what exactly to do.
She
was happy here, but happy elsewhere too.
Certificates
and bills, the poignant debris
a
life leaves behind. Thumbprints of memory.
Where
does it start or end? And what is its heft?
Profoundly
cherished once but now nothing’s left.
Holding
onto the past is also taboo.
She
doesn’t quite know what exactly to do.
She
was happy here but happy elsewhere too.
IV
A
man’s wrist watch, a woman’s vermillion pot,
a
metal clump of coins that someone forgot,
a
child’s drawing preserved as a souvenir.
Layer
upon layer. Year upon year.
The
papers are yellowed, the ink’s faded blue.
She
doesn’t quite know what exactly to do.
She
was happy here, but happy elsewhere too.
Too
many stories tucked into everything
And
each tale has a twist and some have a sting.
Each
thing from a house to a pen and a pipe
has
its own life cycle and then an afterlife.
Clay
goes back to clay, whether cup or statue.
She
doesn’t quite know what exactly to do.
She
was happy here, but happy elsewhere too.
V
One
last time she dusts the chairs, draws a deep breath
and
thinks how strange is the change brought on by death.
Not
just a man’s life that ends, gets extinguished,
but
all his belongings too get on a list.
They
too go dead, their purpose up for review.
She
doesn’t quite know what exactly to do.
She
was happy here, but happy elsewhere too.
Tomorrow
the buyer comes, if they see fit,
her
childhood home goes – every brick of it.
Her
mother’s garden, father’s chair, her old swing
irrevocably
change, each and everything.
No
longer hers to visit, dust or shampoo.
She
doesn’t quite know what exactly to do.
She
was happy here, but happy elsewhere too.
October's been super hectic so far and of course that's going to continue into November. The festive season started on the 10th and the first phase will end with Diwali on 8th Nov. We've just finished with the Durga Puja, Bengal's largest festival - a UNESCO awardee on intangible cultural heritage. The idols are fashioned with a bamboo framework and clay, in a centuries-old ritual, worshipped for four days and then immersed in rivers or local water bodies. Clay going back to clay and an example par excellence of sustainability.
This above poem combines my entire month. It is also a direct result of the posts of two of my close friends, a schoolmate and a Cairomate. So thank you, you guys know who you are.
The schoolmate is now settled in Canada, and among other things, she's a ceramic artist producing gorgeous wall art, cups, mugs, jugs and sundry other articles. She wrote about a salt cellar on which she had left an inadvertent thumb impression that made its own pattern and a useful groove for the scoop to rest on. She ended with the thought that everything has its own story and what we think of as flaws often turn out useful in some or other, completely unforeseen way.
My Cairomate is now in Dhaka, she is a lawyer and a passionate environmental activist, working on sustainability, waste management and a circular economy. She recently conducted a workshop titled The Afterlife of Things. I said to her that would make a great title for a compilation of case studies in waste management, and she quipped that it would a great title for fiction too. "Perhaps your next one?" was how she put it. So that was how the prompt happened.
Meanwhile, all October I've been meeting prospective buyers for my parental flat and reflecting on the afterlife of properties. My grandfather's house was sold in 2013. I had lived there only a couple years but come back to spend all summer holidays and home leaves in my childhood. It was the one steady shelter I knew throughout my life up until its sale and the permanent address on my passport till I moved to my marital home. Built in the 1930s, it had been the family home for 80+ years.
My parents moved out from Kolkata in the 60s and bought their own flat when they resettled back in the 80s. They had lived in that flat for over 40 years till their death. I've been yanked/moved and been moving houses/flats/cities since I was an infant. It doesn't need saying that preparing to bid goodbye to a decades long family home is an entirely different ball game compared to moving houses and or even continents. C'est la vie. Always a mixed bag, always with a lesson to learn and a chance to grow. And forever uber fascinating. All in all - a great chance for poetry!
This poem's actually much longer, planned as 14X14, presented truncated here because that length is definitely a no-go for blogs. I'm not sure this length is okay either, but I couldn't chop any further. I'd particularly value your views on the repetition of the last two lines in each stanza as a refrain. Did you like it? loathe it? neutral?
Shubho Bijoya Dashami to all those who are celebrating. And happy autumn/spring to all those who are not. Wishing you good health, sustainable wealth, peace, happiness and freedom this festive season and always.
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Hari Om
ReplyDeleteBlessings of the Goddess to you, Nilanjana, as you traverse this further change, the closing of a 'verse'... which, BTW, I loved - that repetition gave the discrete parts their place in a continuous narrative, just as the essential "I" remains through all the changes it must endure. Wishing a successful sale, and a cathartic start on the next 'phrase'... YAM xx
Thank you, Yamini. I'm pleased that the refrain doesn't get boring. I was afraid it might. Blessings upon you and yours too.
DeleteI remember my grandparent's houses. And my parent's last house. I dream of them sometimes. Even though there were other houses were I was also happy. The memories made there over decades mean so much. And they remain.
ReplyDeleteI liked the repetition of the last lines.
Memory is a tricky thing. No two people remember the same thing in exactly the same way. While I remember the houses that I've been in, some of the details have got fuzzy around the edges. I guess it also depends on how long one has been associated with the property.
DeleteGlad you enjoyed the repetition.
Beautiful, but sad (there can be beauty in sadness). Special places vanish. Everything we keep is eventually gone. Then again, there are museums where a few memories are preserved, a tiny glimpse of the past.
ReplyDeleteMy friend's family refuses to part with the old family home. It's unoccupied and falling down, perhaps only held up by the boxes upon boxes of possessions no one will part with or relocate to their own homes, most now covered with mold. The Earth will reclaim it in time. Or thieves, as it has been robbed a dozen times. Sad.
"If I cannot inspire love, I will cause fear!" – Mary Shelley #quote
Have a Happy Halloween.
J (he/him 👨🏽 or 🧑🏽 they/them) @JLenniDorner ~ Speculative Fiction & Reference Author and Co-host of the April Blogging #AtoZChallenge international blog hop
'Everything we keep is eventually gone.' Truer words were never written!
DeleteYet we hoard and keep mementos and get unnecessarily sentimental. Humans are such odd creatures.
You have a great month end too.
I absolutely love this poem and I think the repetitive stanza reinforces the flow. I still dream of my childhood home. It was hard a year or two having to clear it out and sell. I've not moved much in my life. I anchor in. Ray and I have been in this house for 35 years. We've done steady clear outs, but still have "stuff". You captured it all so well.
ReplyDeleteHope your are well. We're just back from Iceland and that was a fantastic adventure. I'll be posting on it soon. Now laundry.
Take care.
Icelandic holiday sounds amazing! Good luck with the laundry :)
DeleteThe thing is - it doesn't matter whether someone's stayed put or moved 20 odd times in and out of rentals, when it comes to giving up a home that's been in the family for decades, we are all the same. Moving cities is no practice for that and has zero advantage in setting up a protocol.
Well written 👍
ReplyDeleteThank you.
Delete