Monday 9 January 2023

Even after so many years, not quite at home...

 ...and probably never going to be... 

There’s a difference, slight, hard to pinpoint

between home and homeland – for a few,

along the axis, that see-through joint

of comfort zones with the love for new.


You turn the keys in familiar locks

and knock at doors you’ve knocked at before

but every room morphs into a clock

and points you back at that very door.


One tugs you back and one yanks you on

never mind how firm your hold or stand,

there are other rivers, banks, soil, stone –

the urgent calls of a different land.


You’ll never again quite settle down

because your home isn’t your hometown.

Hellow and happy happies to you. Hope your year has started well and continues to treat you kindly and fairly. 

This is not the poem I'd wanted to see the year in with, seriously. I thought this year I'll get something you know, a bit peppy and upbeat. it is, this is the first poem that got written, what can one do? More importantly, should one want to do something? Nonpeppy can be happy too, can't it? It feels more honest right now. So let me say that again, a nonpeppy- honest, happy new year to you. 

I don't do resolutions for a long time now. Among my irresolute goals are, as always - be and breathe and stress less. Write it as it comes and stop trying to be peppy and sundry other things you know you can't be. Believe that other people know it too, no-one gets taken in by a false, shrill upbeat.  

The home leave was hectic and wonderful. Pocked a bit with horrible officialese and paperwork and medical issues - all got resolved, except some minor stuff. So no biggie. Didn't have much time to log on here though, will be making up for lost time now hopefully. 

Stay well. 


  1. Hari OM
    Welcome back, Nila and all the very best for 2023... living it honestly and even, occasionally, with a bit of pep! YAM xx

  2. Sorry your leave was so hectic.
    I've lived all over so the closest I have to a hometown is where I live now.

    1. Best approach to the entire issue - living in the present.

  3. Welcome back. It is the honesty of your poem which draws me in - and back.

    1. Thanks. It's been my constant endeavour to keep things as honest as possible.

  4. Welcome back. As always, you touch my soul with your words. I have PA home (where I grew up and my dad's still there), and TX home (where I live now with Ray). PA is deep roots. Can't shake that off, so I know where you are coming from in your poem. Good job. Just go with the flow for 2023 and let's see what happens.

    1. Thanks, Joanne. That's going to be the mantra for 2023, flowing.

  5. Hi Nila - yes my home is here for now ... and I live vicariously with myself in other lives ... and so 'flowing' is appropriate. Cheers Hilary