Representation

 

Whole histories lie in torn curtains, crumbed rust

on exposed steel, in cracks on the stair treads,

in your own careless thumbprint on the dust,

a barely there spider web’s single thread

caught briefly in the beam striking the bed.

Ordinary lives summed up by the contents

of desks and drawers, by tattered bookmarks

showing where they’d stopped reading, sure they’d meant

to go on, only it had gone too dark -

pages spelling out their exits’ exact arc.

 

A weekly crossword has been left half done,

you can’t quite bring yourself to complete it

because that feels like a small desecration,

as if that’s tampering, it’s not your remit.

You waver, you neither write nor can you quit.

 

You want to clear the space out and rearrange -

the useless old teapots, the dulled silverware.

No! - you can’t bear the thought of the slightest change.

Let the lifeless represent the life lived there –

the half done crossword, the same cracks on the stair.

Not sure where that came from - except that some of our old window stays had to be replaced because they had got so rusted that the shutters couldn't be shut. It's 60 days into the homecoming? more than halfway to 100 and it's been a lively time - in a good way and also not in a good way. 

I've been to the wholesale hardware market and shopped for stays (because the style we have is so ancient that it is carried only by the bulk distributors, it's a 50 yo house). I've shopped for textiles, storage jars, frames, planters. I've got the last remaining items on the furniture wish list finally done,  I've got the passport done, I've got my first dog bite - so that last one takes care of 'experience something new' for 2023. Anti rabies shots - yum! :) 

We are still jumping through the various regulatory hoops and this time around my stores of patience, never very robust to begin with, have worn really thin. There are so many safeguards yet the mega fraudsters go scot free while ordinary folk like me are driven insane, one needs to sign forms in triplicate and a password to sneeze even. It would be comical if it weren't so uber tedious. 

It is of course Gandhi Jayanti (birth anniversary) today and the festival season in India begins on the 14th. So the good times are set to continue, as family from Mumbai and Lucknow will be visiting. And cousins are here to attend from the USA as well. There's the spookfest challenge at WEP too...like I said, happy-busy month, hopefully. 

Happy October to you too and happy festivals, whichever you may be celebrating. 

Bruised

I.

She no longer knows voices on the phone

you had to say your name last time you called

faced with a blank pause - this too a milestone

of growing up and away and growing old.

A tremor perhaps, but quickly controlled

and the conversation curled but went on -

reset somewhere in the depths, overhauled

minds and meanings, the smallest shifts unknown.

Years knit up things and years unravel too -

the threads meshed together day after day

till the weave’s a habit you’ve slipped into;

but one thread snags, it all stops running true

and puddles at your feet, whichever way

you go on, the knot’s formed, and it’s here to stay.

II.

You wish the memories were yours to choose

and keep in a glass vase like bunched orchids.

As she loses her bearings you too could lose

the high recall of tremors and get rid

of the blanks in telephone calls, and visits

when she asked your name, but the residues

chafe under your eyelids like sand and grit

and the orchid’s face twists into a bruise.

That’s all you have in your hand to display -

some bruised flowers, the colours imperfect.

You can choose just the vase, don’t have a say

in the composition of that bouquet

fresh or faded, the long stems whole or wrecked,

the deviant petals not yours to correct.

Double dose and regular forms today, as least as regular as I can get - 2(8x6). Last month I met an elder with Alzheimer's - it's a difficult disease for the victim, for the caregivers, even more so when they are family members taking care of sick elders without any support far away from home. Last month also we had the local poetry festival, which I don't think I've mentioned.  We did, had great fun there too, I presented two of mine. Read and/or view.