Quinnet : Claustrophobia

Folded paperwings origami art

flocked vultures coming to rest in the throat

waiting for the kill for the feast to start;

and whipsharp creases on a shrinking heart

a terrible scream that can’t find its note.

Take them off, wipe them away from their perch

stop the quickthree bound of those yellow claws.

I am the island, they the relentless surge

of slavering waves that come in greedy search

every crumb of soil pecked up by toothless maws;

toothless but keen the talons and the beak

concentric rings of claustrophobia

the drawstrings pulled too tight, breathlessly bleak

the throat spasms and stills for it must not shriek

there’s no toehold on escape over here.

Whisk me back quick to those wide-hipped mainlands

of skypink birds, honeywarm grass and sands.

I have been experimenting with variations on fixed forms :) I call this one a quinnet, a sonnet with five line stanzas instead of four.  The concluding couplet remains.  Seventeen instead of fourteen lines, prime numbers are so much more elegant :) What do you think of the form? Of the poem? and experimental verses?